Baby Yoga, Osteopaths and drongo's

So what's new? Life has been so busy that I've not had time to post anything here really. Everything is ticking along. Rosie is getting absolutely huge! I started her on one solid feed a day this week. Yesterday she tried mashed banana and really seemed to love it. So I am taking her to the supermarket in a while to buy various mashable fruits and veg to make her some meals with. Maybe some strawberries, mashed carrots and parsnips, mashed berries and bananas. I don't like these packet baby foods made of dried flakes. It seems like giving the baby a microwave dinner to me.

I'm going to see an osteopath tomorrow - to the tune of £50! I hope it's worth it. That's far more money than I can afford, but I am in so much pain that I'd almost pay anything to get some help with it. I have some huge muscle knots in my upper back and neck, all on the right hand side of my body. They are agony. The neck strain is causing me migraines, and the knots in my shoulders are so huge you can sort of pop them around. I can barely move my arms sometimes. I've been getting Marty to massage them every evening, which is agony. So hopefully this osteopath will be able to relieve some of the pain. I know that after the C section I could not stand up straight for weeks and I had a lot of shoulder pain then. I think that, coupled with stress, is what is causing it all.

I took Rosie to her first 'baby yoga' session on Saturday, and boy did she enjoy it! There were 6 babies there, all in the 4 - 5 month age group, and she was delighted to be making new friends! She chattered, laughed, squealed and sang for the entire hour, smiling at all the other babies. The babies lay on their own yoga mats while we moved their little legs and arms into stretches and yoga positions, whilst singing nursery rhymes to them. But we also did some Mummy Yoga ourselves, with our babies in our arms. Needless to say I was shattered after doing yoga with the equivalent of a 16lb medicine ball baby! Can't wait to take her again next week though. She really enjoyed the whole experience.

I attended Tarja's parents evening at the college last week. It was interesting to talk to all her subject teachers but I have decided that science teachers are drongo's! Badgers science teacher had told me at his interview to tie a card round his neck with a list of things he should remember each day! (Yeah, why not just give him a bell and call out leper as he walks by!) But Tarja's science teacher obviously had no idea who she was talking about. I sat down at her desk and said 'Hi, I'm Tarja's Mum' (except I obviously didn't use her blog name!) and the teacher looked panicked, ruffled through some papers, then proceeded to talk about my daughter as a boy! 'He is doing ok, he this... he that'. I sat in amazement until she said 'do you have any concerns about him?' at which point I got the giggles from embarrassment for the poor woman who obviously had no idea who she was talking about. She ended by saying 'if anything he's a bit chatty in class'. Well, then I knew she wasn't talking about my daughter, as every other teacher had said how quiet she is! I'm sure she felt embarrassment when she realised her mistake.

Rosie's first feed

What's going on?

Where does the time go to? Where have all the years gone? My life is flashing past so very quickly. I'm still in denial that I'm having baby number 4, even though she is now almost 5 months old! Where has that time gone? Am I going to wake up tomorrow and realise I am 70 years old? Am I going to live to be 70 years old? Everything is so uncertain, so unpredictable. It's all a bit scary when you start to think about it. I've been changing dirty nappies, cleaning grazed knees, reading bedtime stories and tidying up kids toys for 14 years now. In some respects I can't believe it's been so long. Whereas at other times it seems like an absolute lifetime.

Time is a strange thing. I don't understand it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in my own little world and that no one else even exists outside of my imagination - like something from The Matrix. Perhaps this whole life is what I make it to be. Or perhaps its all one big long dream that I shall wake up from one day!

I'm feeling irritated today, although it has been a good week, all in all. I'm just feeling a bit house bound I guess. Really feel like going out but have no money and no babysitter - a common problem for parents I fear!

Rosie is really developing this week. She is starting to become attached to toys, and soon I feel she will attach to people too. I hope she doesn't become as clingy as her big sister did. I think she may be starting to teeth soon too. She's dribbling a lot and lets out little painful screams every now and then.

I started back at bellydance this week, which was good. I looked a sight, but was glad I managed to keep up with the routine. I really thought I'd be too unfit to keep up, so I was pleasantly surprised, although I've certainly lost some poise and grace in the year that I've had off! I've also signed up for a local yoga class, so hopefully will be feeling a bit fitter soon. Theres is a baby yoga class in the library on a Saturday which I am thinking of taking Rosie along to. I think she might enjoy the company of other babies. I just need to remember to phone up and book a place on it.

I'm getting a bit frustrated at having no money. Not that I've ever really had any money. But us both being unemployed is very hard. Things keep breaking. We had to replace the cooker. The car is falling apart. Moan, groan, whinge.

Easter Holidays

The Easter holidays are over and the kids started back to school today. I had hoped to be up bright and early to make a new start, but instead I woke up feeling as if I'd spent the night swallowing razor blades. I seem to have caught the sore throat and cough that Badger had. Ho hum.

It was nice to have the kids at home for a week or so (2 weeks for Barney!) Little Rosie enjoyed all the extra company and attention. They all ate a criminal amount of chocolate at Easter (even Rosie had a lick of a Double Decker!)

The best day of the holidays, for me, has to be the day we all went to Tollymore Forest Park to enjoy a family day out in the sunshine. None of the kids wanted to go. Barney thought it was going to be boring, and the big kids would rather spend hours slobbing around in their bedrooms than spending time with us old folk. But we dragged them all along and ended up having a fab day. It was like being back in America again. A wholesome, happy, fresh air filled day out with each other for company.

Barney said he didn't realise it was going to be so much fun, and the big kids had a great time. Rosie enjoyed the outdoors and loved staring at the trees from her buggy. We started the day with a picnic in the car park. Barney ate a full punnet of raspberries all by himself, whilst Badger and Marty played football. Tarja enjoyed playing Mummy to Rosie. And I just sat watching my lovely family.

After our picnic we did the shorter walk first as we weren't sure how long it would take and whether it was buggy friendly. Badger and Tarja climbed every tree that was climbable, whilst Barney led the way, stopping every 30 seconds to examine a new plant, tree or flower. Then we did part of the longer walk. Not much of it, as Rosie needed a feed. So I sat and fed her in the sunshine whilst the others found their way to the other side of the river to wave at us.

I really enjoyed getting out as a family. It's the first time we have really been out all together since our trip, as I was so ill and pregnant when we got home from America, and then I was run down after the C section. We will certainly have to get out a lot more now that the weather is nicer. Taking days out walking is one of the few things all four of our kids can enjoy together.

Here are some photos...

Lego Times

Happy memories...

Barney, Tarja and I spent a good fun hour yesterday playing lego on my bed. Barney wanted some Mummy time and I suggested a few things that we could do together. But Lego won. So we made lego starwars spaceships together. Tarja made a lego jacuzzi! (see photo).

It was nice to spend an hour with Barney just chatting and creating. We had a competition to see who could make the best space ship, and Daddy was the final judge. Of course, Barney won the competition as I'm pretty useless at lego (growing up in a household of 4 girls didn't give me much experience in boys arts!)

So, I thought I'd post the photos of our creations, and a happy memory of every day life in out little household.

Girlie nights

Oh I am way behind with my blog writing. I just wanted to write a few lines about last weekends girlie night round at Jool's house. What a blast. Jools and Anna are a right pair, and we had such a laugh. Actually I think that Anna and I laughed so much that we forgot what we were laughing about and Jool's probably just thought we were nuts!

Jools got out a box of old photos which we had fun looking through, we watched girls of the playboy mansion and had a giggle at that, ate chinese food and lots of nibbles, and talked to Aleksandra for hours on Skype. It was so nice to see her again. I know Jools and Anna really miss her heaps.

Dublin, midweek break

It's taken me ages to get around to writing this blog post, and even now I don't have much enthusiasm for writing it. I'm just doing it to get it out of the way! That said, the trip to Dublin was great. It's just that I've been so occupied since then that it's been hard to find the time or motivation to blog. I've got three books that I'm reading at once on the go, so any spare moments are taken up with that mostly. And I've been getting out of the house more, and trying to walk everywhere.

We had a great two nights in Dublin. My Mum very kindly offered to have all four of my little monsters for a few days, so we jumped at the chance and took the bus down to the Irish Republic's capital city. The north star hotel is very central and near to the bus depot. We have stayed there before but this time we had an upgraded room with a massive bed! As parents of 4 children (including a newborn) the first thing we did when we got there was to desperately rip off all our clothes, leap into bed and fall asleep!!

We did the usual Dublin city walk, saw the pointy spike thing in the centre (see photo), walked along the river, wandered into a few shops, and ended up in an Irish pub where we met up with a friend and drank & talked the day away.

All in all it was a good rest, and great to get away from the responsibility of being parents, temporarily. So, thanks Mum!

Off we go

We are off to Dublin for 2 nights. Just me and the hubbie. My Mum has bravely OFFERED (Yes, she offered with no blackmail or cajoling necessary!) to have my four kids for 2 nights. I guess she remembers what it was like to bring up 4 kids. So we are off to spend 2 romantic nights down in Dublin. We are planning nothing but some good hard reading, drinking of lots of tea, lots of drinking anyway, lol, and some rest. I do hope I don't miss baby Rosie too much. We haven't been apart since she was born and I'm not sure I can totally manage without her! I'm sure she will be fine without me though!

Lots of fun

It's been a busy, fun week. I've made every effort to get out of the house and make the most of the people around me. On Friday evening we had my bellydancing friend Jools and her husband Andrew round for a curry. It was a good evening. It was the first time we had properly met Andrew, despite going to their wedding in the summer, and I must say that I found him most entertaining! Barney had us drawing pictures for his pretend post box outside his bedroom door. So we had a little colouring competition. Poor Jools and her lovely flower picture came last, but I think a lot of cupboard love was involved.

On Saturday evening I went up to Mums house for a girlie pampering night. Maddi, Jenny, Hannah, Emma, and one of Hannah's work friends were there. Mum cooked an awesome feast of lamb curry (except it wasn't curry, it had some other fancy name that I can't remember!) People sat around having massages, spa baths, facials etc. It was good night, but I didn't stay overnight like the rest of them did.


Then today, Sunday, we took the kids out to Lurgan Park, where we are carried on like fools and big kids ourselves. Rosie sat up in her buggy for the first time and looked wildly at all the ducks, birds, trees, and park equipment. Then we all went to McDonald's for lunch, which I don't think we've done since we were in America. Rosie didn't know what to look at first in the restaurant. Her eyes were wildly darting from one thing to the next.

The best parts of every day

Every day has so much to offer as a mother. At any moment the unexpected can happen. And every day is filled with joy, adventure, excitement, achievement, pride, sadness, guilt, anxiety, anger. Being a mother is like being on an emotional roller-coaster sometimes. From highs to lows, with scary moments and exciting moments in between. In reading the book 'Buddhism for Mothers' I am learning to take stock of every moment. To live in the present instead of languishing in the past or racing into the future. As a parent it is often so easy to be so busy racing around, trying to get everything done, that instead of enjoying every moment with our children we are so busy thinking about whats next and racing ahead with life. Every mother knows that when we don't take enough time out of chores to enjoy our children, we feel guilty; but if we do take time to sit and enjoy our children we chastise ourselves for not getting things done! Mothers can be so hard on themselves!

A young child is not aware of time. They don't feel the desperation to get everything done as we do. And so they can take as long as they like to do anything. A short walk for a toddler can be spread over a full morning as they examine every leaf, every bug, every flower or twig. They are filled with so much wonder, and so much time. What a shame that we lose this timeless ability to enjoy life as we get older!

So taking note of the advise in my mothering book (which I am only about a third of the way through reading) I am trying to be mindful of every moment. Taking time to see the joy in every moment. Taking time to watch and enjoy each of my children. Living in the present. As the book says, "watching our children more closely affords us a more satisfying experience of motherhood."

The best parts of every day, for me, are the mornings when little Rosie opens her eyes and immediately gives me a big smile through the bars of her cot. If it is the weekend this is followed by a boisterous Barney who loves to clamber up into the bed for 'mummy snuggles' with me. But also last thing at night, as Rosie starts to get tired and grizzly. She has a certain grizzle about her when it's time for her night sleep. I change her nappy, put on her babygro, and hold her close in my arms against my chest. She looks at me with a tired face, turns her head in towards me to snuggle close, and goes to sleep. She looks so content, and trusting, and peaceful, to just be in the arms of her mother. And this moment always gives me great joy.

If you are a busy mother who would like to learn how to experience more calm in her life, I'd really recommend giving the book 'Buddhism for Mothers' a go. You don't need to be a Buddhist to read it. It is not a religious book. It simply shows how the Buddhist teachings can promote equanimity in the life of Mums. (And Equanimity, as I have learned today, is the ability to keep calm no matter what is happening!)

Rosie says 'Hiya'

Steve took this video this evening of Rosie in her high chair having a little chat with him. It sounds as if she's trying to say 'Hiya' back to him. She is such a Daddy's girl.

Mother's Day Thoughts

Today I was awoken by a very excited young Barney. Rosie had long been taken downstairs for a bottle by her Daddy. The school uniforms had been ironed by Marty (my regular Sunday job) and I was presented with a cup of tea, a plate of pancakes with strawberries and cream, and a big vase of daffodils.

I am now also the proud owner of a heap of drawings, paintings and general cutting & sticking from Barney, plus a book of vouchers from Badger, and a mass of vouchers from everyone which must be used today. That includes one 24 hour voucher for as many cups of tea as I can manage, a voucher for one hours guaranteed reading time, and many others. I also got a new camera to replace the one that got dropped and broken last week. I was already missing my little camera. I love Marty's big swanky camera but it's not possible to slip it into ones handbag!

Today I have been thinking about how blessed I am to have such an adoring, wonderful, happy family. My children mean the world to me, each of them with their own special characters.

Badger is a very loving, thoughtful teenager. He always gives me a hug if he thinks I am down, and manages to keep a smile on my face, even if we argue. He is a dramatic, creative, loud, entertaining and humorous young man. Life is never dull with a Badger in the house and I thank him for all the laughs, and all the loud, boisterous and fabulously entertaining times we have shared.

Tarja is a quiet, peaceful, sensitive and loving girl. She always thinks of others, whether they be people or animals. She likes to read and listen to music in her room. Sometimes I forget she is even here. Tarja makes a good friend and I know that she will be treasured by the people who win her friendship along the way. I am always happy when she notices that I am alone in my bedroom and pops in for a little chat.

Barney is my baby boy. A big baby boy now, and getting so independent. Barney is a huge character, always full of chatter. He is very perceptive - nothing gets past him! Creative and expressive, he loves to make things for people. Paintings, drawings, collages. His little smile and his big eyes melt my heart and when he hugs me I feel that my heart will explode with all the love it feels. He is my little rotter.

Even little Rosie has her own character already. She is calm, relaxed, laid back and very happy. She is very like me in a lot of ways. As long as she has eaten and slept, she likes some good company. Every day she accomplishes something new - a smile, a giggle, using her hands, rolling over. I feel such pride watching her grow and thrive.

I am very thankful for my family. Every single one of them brings something special into our lives, and we would never be complete without each other. Thank you guys for making Mothers Day so special.

All in all it's been a pretty ok week. I've made a real effort to get out of the house a bit, which has perked me up. The doctor gave me 10 days worth of sleeping tablets, and I think that after just 3 nights of good sleep I feel so much better. It's nice to be able to sleep and dream instead of laying thinking things over and being anxious. Hopefully the sleep will remain after the pills are gone!

I have started a new photo blog, as mentioned before, 365 self portraits. A blog of introspection where I plan to take a photo a day for a year and make note of something good that has happened during the day, or something I am glad for. If you want to see that blog leave a comment here to let me know and I shall invite you.

One of the books I ordered has turned up. Buddhism for Mothers...

"Parenthood can be a time of great inner turmoil for a woman, yet parenting books invariably focus on nurturing children rather than the mothers who struggle to raise them. This book is different. It is a book for mothers. "Buddhism for Mothers" explores the potential to be with your children in the all-important present moment; to gain the most joy out of being with them. How can this be done calmly and with a minimum of anger, worry and negative thinking? How can mothers negotiate the changed conditions of their relationships with partners, family and even with friends? Using Buddhist practices, Sarah Napthali offers ways of coping with the day-to-day challenges of motherhood. Ways that also allow space for the deeper reflections about who we are and what makes us happy. By acknowledging the sorrows as well as the joys of mothering, the book can help you shift your perspective so that your mind actually helps you through your day rather than dragging you down. This is Buddhism at its most accessible, applied to the daily realities of ordinary parents."

I'm really looking forward to reading it, although I'm still reading 'Dear Fatty', Dawn French's autobiography which is both hilarious and heartbreaking in places. Definitely worth the read to anyone who appreciates her.

The health visitor came out to see me this week. She was watching me play with Rosie whilst giving her a nappy change and she told me that Rosie and I are very in tune with each other. I don't know what other parents are like. I thought it was normal to talk to the baby and cuddle and tickle her. Lol. She also told me that I should consider becoming a counselor as she thinks I'd be very good at it. Blimey. I wonder how she could tell that in an hour of watching me play with Rosie.

Anyway, yesterday was a good day. We were invited very last minute to a BBQ at a friends house in Lurgan. We took just the two little kids with us as the bigger kids weren't yet home from school. I was pleased to see that an old friend of ours was at the BBQ too. We hadn't seen him since the summer and it was lovely to catch up. He was sitting next to me poking Rosie's little feet so I took that as a sign that he secretly wanted to give her a cuddle. Now this is the man who has always insisted to me that he would never be having children! I shoved Rosie into his arms and left them together. Haha. He seemed slightly shocked but in no time he was making her laugh. I'm proud to say that he admitted little Rosie was so cute that she was making him re-think his stance on never having children! Good girl Rosie.