Having girls

I believe that I have to two most beautiful daughters that ever existed. Just look at them. Aren't they totally adorable? And they love and adore each other, that's for sure.

Tarja is like a live-in Nanny, or a second Mum to little Rosie. She's like a mothers help, and I'd be lost without her! I found these couple of photos that I took a few weeks back and wanted to post them onto the blog so that we can look back on them in years to come.

I hope my daughters will always be as close to each other as they are now.

A 16th Birthday

I'm not entirely sure how.... but somehow I have managed to keep another human being alive for sixteen full years! Pretty impressive, don't you think? It is hard to believe that my first baby boy has just turned sixteen. I wasn't much older than him when he was born. The years are flashing past at a scary speed.

Since becoming sixteen only happens once and is a bit special we had a good old shindig for him, out in the front garden. Shockingly the sun shone for the entire day (it was one of the only sunny days we've had this summer!) which was perfect for outr outdoor party.

Now, in my opinion, one is never too old for a good bounce! So we hired a big adult sized bouncy castle, and some sumo suits for the crack. We erected a gazebo and filled it with air beds and cushions to create a sort of lazy area (which little Rosie mostly hijacked to keep out of the sun) and we kitted out the garage with food, helium balloons and music. Marty was in charge of the barbecue since he's obsessed with fire, and meat.

Family came, and lots of Badgers school friends and it turned out to be a pretty damn good day. I hope he enjoyed it and remembers it for years to come. Happy birthday to my baby boy who is now practically a man!

That chocolatey time of year again.

I really have been very slack at blogging lately. My only excuse is that I really don't get the time. But I have lots to blog about just now so I am going to do a little marathon blogging session before bed time.

This post is basically just a few photos from Easter. As usual we had the easter egg hunt around the garden. This was the first year that Rosie's really been able to join in and enjoy it.... and she was very excited about the whole thing! Running around the garden finding chocolates and then eating them.... what's not to like about that when you're two years old??

Badger thought he was a bit big to join in but I managed to convince him that it was good family fun, and hey, he got chocolate out of it too.

Oh, to be a kid again!

Dawning

It's been dawning on me lately just how awesome my kids are. When I think back to what I was like at age 15, I feel so proud of my kids and how totally lovely they are the majority of the time. Sure, they have their moments.... after all they are only human, like the rest of us. But despite their humanity I have to say that they are each remarkable people in their own right. Considering two of them are teenagers, there are rarely any bad moods in the house (apart from my own!), rarely much arguing or shouting, very little door slamming or sulking in general (again, apart from me).

The last few months have opened my eyes to what thoughtful, caring, well mannered young people they are. I am so proud of them, and also so sorry at times that I am not a better mother to them. I wish I was not only human. Anyway, I want to write a little about each one of them.... (obviously these are not their real names, as regular readers of my blog will know)

Badger - Badger is 15 now and in his last year of high school, the GCSE year. He doesn't really like school work, but he has an amazing talent for film making, script writing and such like. I honestly believe he is a Steven Speilberg in the making. He can spend hours, days, or even weeks writing scripts, filming, editing films and adding special features to them. I wish he had the confidence to show people his efforts as they are actually really brilliant. Badger is a very loving person, and extremely caring, especially towards his old mama. He genuinely worries about me, and wants me to be happy. He has an amazing ability to argue his point and not back down on a subject.... only to come back an hour later saying he has thought about things and was in the wrong. He appologises and gives me a hug. I think this is pretty damn amazing for a 15 year old lad! He is way smarter than he realises, and a real likable person. His creativity knows no bounds, and his imagination is just inspirational. For a 15 year old lad he is one of the nicest people I know. And I remember what I was like at 15. I was not one of the nicest people I knew! Badger fills my life with joy in so many ways. He is always happy, always cracking jokes, so full of energy and zest. Sometimes he gets up with Emily in the morning at the weekend so his poor mama can get some sleep. Sometimes he just cleans the kitchen for me, or tidies the living room, without being asked; so that I can get a bit of a rest. He is just lovely. And he gives me lots of hugs.

Tarja - Tarja is going to be 14 next week. She is beautiful, and always has been, inside and out. Tarja does her school work well, behaves at school and always likes to do her best with everything. She is a little perfectionist. She's rarely moody or nasty and mostly just breezes through every day without causing any trouble. She is, like me, an extremely sensitive person. From no age she cared for animals, insects and the planet Earth. I remember that year after year she would spend ages every day saving little flies and creepy crawlies that had fallen into the paddling pool. She has adopted an Elephant and would probably adopt every animal and orphan on the planet if she could. She is like a second Mummy to Rosie. About a million times every day I call out to her for help; things like 'will you make Rosie a bottle?' 'will you put the telly on for Rosie?' 'will you take your baby sister for a minute so that I can cook dinner?' She never, ever complains, and just helps out with a happy heart. To be honest, without Tarja I don't know how I would get things done. She is like a mothers helper to me, and she seems happy enough that way. The love she has for her baby sister is beautiful, and inspiring. Tarja has also gotten up with Rosie some mornings when I've really needed rest. She makes a good friend and is someone people like to be around. This house probably wouldn't run anywhere near as well without her.

Barney - Barney is a huge character, and the best company anyone could wish for. He is totally lovable in every way. His dimples make him even more adorable. Barney showers me with love, and cuddles, kisses and the most loving of words. He must tell me that he loves me about 30 times every day (as does Jimmie). He has a fabulous sense of humour, a very quick and curious mind, and a desire to learn about everything. Barney is absolutely, totally, devoted to and in love with his baby sister. He protects her, entertains her, and cares for her in a way that is deeply touching to see. They have a real bond together and I hope this will always last. She thinks the world of him, and he thinks that she is the world. Barney is one of the bravest people I know. He has faced far more than most children his age and has come through stronger and happier. This is something I really admire in him. He is such a happy child, always full of laughter, song, dance and chatter. He talks more than anyone I know. When Barney is not around I miss him badly. I can't wait to get him back into my arms, and to listen to his chatter. Every day I feel that I gain something so precious from having spent time with him.

Rosie - Rosie simply has to be the best behaved toddler on the planet? She never cries unless she really needs to, and always stops as soon as she receives comfort or her point is made. Seriously, I have never known a baby cry as little. She is extremely well mannered and says please, thankyou much, sorry, excuse me, or dont worry more times every day thank I can count. She adores all her siblings. Her cuddles melt me every time, as does her smile. If ever I feel that I can't cope, or am overwhelmed, a cuddle from Rosie makes everything worth while. The happiness she brings to this family is precious beyond words. We all love her to bits, and she must feel it because she is simply so happy to be alive.

So I am one blessed Mama, and not a single day ever goes by without me realising it. I have more beauty and happiness in my life than I deserve, and I treasure it with my whole heart. The last few months (but especially weeks) have been an extremely difficult time for me. I am always tired, always emotional, stressed out and possibly going slightly nuts. I've been snappy with the kids, impatient, less understanding than usual, and generally grouchy or tearful. I feel so awful that I can't always be the perfect mother for my kids. But through all this hardship I have had my eyes opened to what great little people they have turned out to be. The older two have been a great support to me, and I am so, so proud of the adults they are becoming. Although I am not always the best person I can be at the moment, I am happy to see that I must have done something right somewhere along the line, and that they have the skills they need in life to cope with both the good and the bad.

First supermarket walk

This is just the cutest video. At Centra in Banbridge they have little kiddie sized trollies. This was the very first time Rosie discovered them, and she can now walk well enough to push one around for me. We filled it with bread and milk, and she thought she was a proper little Mummy. What is nice to see is how the eldest two really watch out for her, and protect her.

Back to school

Wow! Barney is like a new boy! Anyone who reads regularly will remember the trouble he had last year at school. At the worst point it was taking me three hours to get him into class. The very worst day ever resulted in a horrific situation where he threw himself at the classroom doors and window - a very upsetting experience for him, myself and the other children in his class, which resulted in his teacher crying at one point.

So as you can imagine I was dreading the new school year. Barney started P3 last week. His class is in a different part of the school, his morning routine has totally changed. Instead of taking him into school late and sitting in the staff room with him until he was ready to go in, I am now taking him directly into the classroom ten minutes before the other children arrive. We put his timer on, sit and read a story and then I leave as the children come in.

I can not believe how well Barney is doing! He hasn't shed a single tear. He hasn't panicked. He has been brave when he felt scared. Basically he is doing far better than I ever imagined possible! I am so proud, and so releived. The school situation last year resulted in him being medicated and was a really worrying time. This new Barney is just doing wonderfully.

I don't know if it is because he is a little older, or because of all the therapy, or the medication. Or even because there is less stress in the house now that his Dad is living elsewhere. But whatever it is (perhaps a combination of all the above) it is working wonders. And I am so, so, happy about it. I hope it lasts. Well done little Barney.... Mummy is once again, so proud.

Amazingly the Maize Maze Amazed me.

Marty's parents were over visiting last week and so we took a day trip. Barney didn't want to go anywhere further than 15 minutes drive away which was proving to be a problem. We all wanted to go to the Maize Maze in Castlewellan but he wasn't having any of it! It wasn't until I found that they had a website and that it was full of pics and videos of the maze and activities, showed it to Barney and then he was all set for going! I really need to remember that he needs visual prompts to allow him to really accept new things. It's so simple but I so often forget.

The maze in Castlewellan is one of the few NI activities with a good website. Having videos and photos made it a gazillion times easier for Luke. I wish all family friendly places would do the same so that our autistic children can prepare more for days out.

So we all had a lovely day. Not only did we have a good go at the maze, but there were other things there too, such as a bouncy castle, sand pit, toddlers play area, swing ball, massive slide and football games. It was good because the maze was great for the teenagers and adults, but there was also something for the little ones.

Badger and his Grandad made one team, whilst Marty, myself and Barney were another team. We raced teams through the maze, searching for dinosaur clues. There were points when Barney really wasn't handling the whole maze thing, but a really nice guy who worked there gave him a map and that gave him something to focus on. I think his main problem was not knowing how long we would be in the maze. Time is always a big issue for him, and without his visual timer he is often more anxious.














A good time was had by all. Rosie played football with her Daddy. I beat Badger several times at swing ball, whilst he injured his Dad quite painfully in the family jewels with the same swingball! Rosie played for hours with her Granny in the sand pit. Tarja wasn't there as she was away with friends for a few days.

Afterwards we headed into Newcastle and ate fish and chips on a windy beach. I just love being anywhere where I can see the Mourne Mountains!

Fun times

Life is so hectic that I only get to blog if I stay up really late, way after everyone else is sleeping. But usually I am too tired to do that.

So here's a catch up blog post. Although I have so much to blog about that I can't possibly fit it all into one blog post!

So, spring has sprung and Rosie is loving the outdoors! All she wants to do is play outside in the garden. She can't comprehend that it is sometimes raining or too cold to go out. So she sits at the back door, banging at it and screaming. If someone does take her outside her little face lights up in delight. Fortunately for Rosie she has three big siblings who all adore her enough to take her out. Between the lot of us we bounce her on the huge trampoline, push her in Barneys old baby swing, take her for rides up the street in Barneys old push-along car, or play with her in the sandpit. Because she can't walk yet she actually grazes her little knees - through her trousers - from crawling across the patio. But she doesn't care because she just loves being outside.

She has had a bit of a dodgy hair cut - as you can see! Her fringe was always in her eyes, no matter how often we clipped it out of the way. So a cut was in order. But it is very hard to cut a wriggling baby's hair when they just won't sit still! It will look better when it grows a bit. Hehehe. At least she can see again!

Barney has been having a pretty good time of it lately - in comparison to how things have been. The medication is really working now and he doesn't get anywhere near as anxious as he had been. I keep reminding myself that the medicine is only a temporary measure, just to give him (and us) a break from the trauma. The last week he went into school without any tears at all. We are still doing the same routine of going in late, me staying with him in the staff room until he is calm enough etc. It is still taking him quite a while to get into class, but he goes when he is ready and he doesn't cry any more. Which is a hugely positive step in the right direction! I am so proud of him. But in the back of my mind I'm always dreading the inevitability of him coming off of the medication.

I am reading a book called 'Homeschooling The Child With Asperger Syndrome' at the moment. Marty and I have had a lot of discussions about it and we haven't yet come to any final decisions. I tried a little homeschooling weekend with Barney, without his knowledge. I basically let him learn about whatever he wanted to for the day, and he had the best time ever. He watched the new 'Wonders of the Solar System' BBC documentary, which is aimed at adults and not easy to understand. However he was transfixed by it! He went into school and told the entire class all about the planet Saturn; that its rings are made of ice, that it has its own moons etc. Then he spent an hour on youtube watching various movies about space. In the photo above he is watching a NASA documentary about the astronauts working on the space station. He decided that he needed a noticeboard in his bedroom because "I now study space Mummy and I need a notice board to put all my work on". We used some of his DLA money to buy a notice board and he's gotten busy filling it up with various space projects.

On Monday he had his first visit from F, the NHS Autism support lady (I totally have no idea what her official title is!) She spent almost two hours with him in our living room. He spent the entire two hours showing off. (As anyone who knows him can well imagine!!) She brought him a worry box, and a school/home schedule to follow each day. The idea of the worry box is that every time he has a worry, instead of coming to me in tears and panic he writes his worry down and posts it into the box. Then at the end of the day I empty the box, pick 5 worries to discuss and we set a timer to 10 minutes whilst we go over his worries. In theory it's a good idea; and it has worked for some of his smaller worries. But he has been hesitant to fill it with his darker concerns. The things that really tear him up when he's not on the medication. A few times he had come to me the way he does, panicking about death, or murder or whatever - but when I've reminded him to put it in his worry box he says no. On probing the matter it became obvious what the problem was. He doesn't want to have to be reminded of the sad worry later in the day. He said to me 'but if I put my worry about you dying into the box then we will have to talk about it again later and I will get all upset again'.

Barney and Marty as supposed to be going to England next week to visit family. Well, the idea of the trip isn't so much about visiting anyone. It's more to do with Barney having a practice run on a plane, and having some time with his Daddy. But whether on not he will get on the plane is anyone's guess! The tickets were dirt cheap, so it's no big loss if they can't go. Today I made him a book about the trip, as advised by every autism-person that I meet. He still keeps telling me that he might not be able to handle it. I hope he does as they would both have a great time together. Tarja is going away with her friend at the same time, so it will be only me and my first and last born at home. Here are a couple of pages from his book.

Another Tarja family video

Tarja is quite enjoying making these video's. If you didn't see the one she made for her baby sister (a few posts down) then make sure to watch it. I bet it makes you shed a tear! This one if for her crazy family, and includes pics of all of us. Nice one Tarja. You're a real sweet heart. xx

The start of another year, 33

Yes, it’s the start of a new year for me. Not because it is the end of 2009 and the start of 2010, but because I just had my birthday and turned 33. The years are flying by and I am getting older faster than I expected! The 33rd year of my life was a mixture of good and hard times. It’s been wonderful getting to know the newest member of the family and sharing every minute with her. She has brought nothing but joy to our lives.

Anyway, my birthday this year was a lovely, quiet event, which is just what I needed, and wanted. As per usual I was woken up by an excited Barney who couldn’t wait for me to open my presents. The family all gathered on the big bed and Barney took the job of passing me presents to open. Little Rosie opened half of them for me and squealed with delight at their contents; even though she had no idea what they were. She seemed most delighted with a pair of polka dot underpants that she wore on her head as a hat!

Jimmie brought his new keyboard up and played a song that he wrote for me. Then Rosie stole the microphone and had the most fun singing into it! (see photo above).

Tarja spent her own money and gave me the loveliest big wash bag full of smelly goodies. She did the same at Christmas when she bought me lots of new nail varnishes and made a beautiful paper mache and dough craft tray to set them in. I was really touched by her kindness.

So what did I get for my 33rd birthday? Well, a lot of books that I’d requested – The Allergy Bible, Superfoods by David Wolfe, Grow Your Own Drugs, The Time Travellers Wife, Michael McIntyre Live DVD, Sex In The City DVD, some cool PJs, the coziest slippers I’ve ever owned, L’eau D’Issey Perfume set, some cool stress putty from Barney, scented candles, a digital photo keychain, 1000 tattoos book, socks, pants, gloves, a red glass heart necklace (the same as the green one I am wearing in the photo above), loads of delicious smellies and lots more. I was thoroughly spoilt!

Marty made me pancakes with strawberries for breakfast in bed. I spent almost the entire day reading books in bed (including all the new Asperger Syndrome books that I got for Christmas). Then in the afternoon we all had fish n chips whilst watching the new Ice Age 3 movie as a family. It was really nice just to relax and read all day long. If only every day could be like that!