I really should be in bed. It's almost midnight. Why do I refuse to go to bed when I know that the kids will be up at the crack of dawn, and at least one child will probably be up during the night? I guess it is because it is 'grown up time' and I don't want it to stop!

I harvested a big glut of blackcurrants and raspberries from our garden today. The vegetable garden that I cherished and tended to before we went to America is a big patch of weeds now, save for some lavender and an overgrowth of mint. But we do still have raspberries, blackcurrants and redcurrants growing in abundance out there. The only problem is, that to pick them one has to trample through 4ft high weeds. It happened to be raining when I had a spare half hour to go outside, so I stood in the pouring rain with Barney, harvesting our fruits, so that I could use some of them to make baby food for Rosie. Marty is going to make a fruit crumble with the rest. Yum. I think I am allergic to weeds! When ever I do the weeding I come out in rashes. Today, since I was wearing shorts, I came in with itchy rashes all up my legs.

I spent another hour in the garden planting some marigolds, lavender and some other type of flowers (can't remember the name though) into pots. They are all out in the front garden now, and at last our house looks semi respectable...... I often wonder if the neighbours get fed up with us! They are all well off working professionals who take great pride in their gardens. Ours usually needs mowing, and weeding, and has a scatter of kids toys all over it. We certainly look like the chavs in the street. I forgive myself though, as I know that we are the only house in this cul de sac with four kids to take care of.

Barney has been enjoying the start of the summer holidays. I am still reading books on Aspergers and still pondering over it all. He hasn't had too many panic attacks this week. He has grown out of his junior bed and really needs a proper single bed, but we just cant afford one at the moment. Anyway his mattress got wet and I put it out to dry, then it rained on it and so he couldn't sleep in his bed! So we dragged the futon mattress up to his room and made a bed up on the floor. He has slept on it for two nights, but he hasn't settled easily. He has started back to feeling ill and panicky at bed time. His tummy hurts and he thinks he is going to be sick. He doesn't have any clue why it's happening, but I know its just because he isn't sleeping in his normal bed, and his body doesn't like changes.

He is still having the most awful panic attacks whenever Rosie cries. Last night she awoke at 2am wanting a feed. She was crying in the bed with me and before I could get my eyes open properly Barney had burst into the room in a total panic. He was shaking, hyperventilating, screaming, then ran out of the room and down the stairs into the hallway where he ran up and down in a panic, not knowing where to go, but wanting to run away. Marty went to calm him down whilst I fed Rosie. Its very upsetting to see. Loud noises really upset him and he has absolutely no control over his reactions at the moment.

The bigger kids school reports came in the post yesterday. Tarja got almost straight A's, a glowing report. She did particularly well in English and Art. Her French teacher said that she is a natural linguist, to which Tarja was very surprised! Badger's report was also good. He attains good results, but almost every single teacher commented that he could do extraordinarily well if he concentrated and got himself more organised. I'm quite impressed that he can do so well without concentrating! Think what he could do if he really knuckled down!