Iron and Wine, Dublin, March 2011

For my birthday, way back in December, K gave me tickets to see Iron and Wine in Dublin. I've been getting into Iron & Wine for quite some time now but hadn't heard their latest album and had no idea how absolutely mind blowingly fantastic they would be live! The show was held at the Olympia Theatre in Dublin, and so we made a trip of it and stayed in Dublin for a couple of nights. We weren't even sure if this would be an acoustic one man show, or whether the full band would be there. But the band was awesome, loud, and totally pumping. They seriously surprised me and I had the greatest nights entertainment. The saxophonist was positively making love to that instrument (er, the saxophone, I mean!) and the percussionist was also very entertaining to watch. All in all it was an awesome night and I'm so glad to have experienced it. The trip to Dublin was also lovely. We ate an awful lot. Drank more Guinness than was good for our guts. And enjoyed each others company. One evening we stumbled into a pub with proper Irish singers. I heard them playing 'Duelling Banjo's" from outside and was reminded of my Dad playing this when I was a kid, so insisted we go inside. They were actually a really good wee band, and we were both most amused when a woman asked them to play quieter and then left in a strop!

No Surprise

Every time I listen to this song I end up in floods of tears. But yet I keep listening. It feels good to let it out. I've been coping totally alone for about 3 months now and am mostly fine. I'd say I'm doing really well actually, considering. But when I heard this song and read the lyrics it was as if someone had totally epitomised everything that I've been unable to say.

Don't get me wrong. I think ours has been the most peaceful, respectful breakup that I've ever known. But still, 16 years have passed by. There are bound to be some sad feelings. And at the moment I really feel very sad. I'm finding it hard mostly because I seem to be the only one looking after the kids the majority of the time. And anyone who's spent a day in my mad house has probaly been happy for peace and quiet at the end of it! haha. Yeah, I'm needing some peace and quiet I think.

I'm not surprised that I have once again turned to music to help me heal. I always do. Last year when I went through a lot of shit with someone, and after coming out of the church, I used to play Apocalyptica's 'I dont care' every day. I'd sing as loud as I could to it and it was as if the words and music would get out the feelings I had trapped deep inside. It is still a song that I turn to if I ever feel angry. Which I do, a lot! Lol.

Maybe I've trained in the wrong profession! Perhaps music therapy would have been better suited to me! On a positive note I have just finished my nutrition course now and am waiting for that peice of paper that allows me to work (as if I well ever get time!) as a nutritional advisor.

Motivation

It's time to get myself a bit motivated about something. I am trying to get back into nutrition again. As readers of my old blog will know I have been very interested in sprouting and raw foods for many years now. When we ate a lot of sprouts, sunflower greens and raw foods I felt on top of the world and full of energy. I need to start feeling that way again. Instead of sluggish, slow, recently pregnant and tired. If you're not sure what sprouting is, you can read my blog post all about it on my old blog by clicking here. And for a little about eating raw read this blog post.

So today we had our first fresh batch of sprouts which were a detox mix including mung bean, broccoli, clover, beetroot, alfalfa, radish and a few others. Today I've set a jar of clover sprouts to germinate and they will be ready in about 3 days. I love sprouting. It's so refreshing and rejuvenating, and just full of life giving goodness. I got out of the way of it when we were travelling across America, and I really must get into it again. I always feel so much happier when I'm producing good healthy nutrition for my family.

So I've been thinking a lot about what to do to benefit my health at the moment. I want to get back into making my own flour and bread again too. I don't think I have the get-up-and-go this year to get the vegetable garden back in working order. Not with a small baby to look after. Which is a shame because I enjoy the fresh air and I get a real buzz in the summer from spending time in the vegetable garden. It was one of the most beneficial projects I have ever under-taken. I felt so at peace, yet so alive when sitting out in the vegetable garden, pulling up weeds in the summer time. Here is one of my vegetable gardening blog posts, from the good old days! My vegetable garden is now 4 ft tall with weeds. But that's what happens when you leave it all behind to go travelling, and I don't regret that for a second!

So I have ordered two vegan cookbooks. I do like my meat, but I don't like to eat a lot of it. I'm much happier with a mostly vegetarian diet, and I think it's more natural. I have a lot of cool raw food books, but thought a couple of vegan books might inspire me to get back into the kitchen. My kitchen has been taken over by a man. Lol. A man who likes to cook, but likes to eat a lot of meat, and not a lot of veg! It has been nice not having to cook while he's been off work, but I do miss my creativity in the kitchen. I think I will let him cook the main meals while I fiddle around with the raw foods.

So there you have it, I am trying to think positively and to do things to fulfill my life again. I am very cross that I let myself be so affected by someone who obviously didn't give a damn about me in the long run. I must try not to get so hurt by people. But it's never easy. I am what I am. Too caring for my own good half the time. But I am trying to perk myself up before I go into a depression. I have a few good days and then I just feel totally wrecked and sad. I feel sorry for my family when I'm like that. But it's hard to just get out of it.

I have also started a music blog. Well, its just something silly for myself really. A sort of music diary. I tend to use music as therapy and so I've started to document that a bit. Not sure how long I will keep it up for.