Wednesday, 4 August 2010

No Surprise

Every time I listen to this song I end up in floods of tears. But yet I keep listening. It feels good to let it out. I've been coping totally alone for about 3 months now and am mostly fine. I'd say I'm doing really well actually, considering. But when I heard this song and read the lyrics it was as if someone had totally epitomised everything that I've been unable to say.

Don't get me wrong. I think ours has been the most peaceful, respectful breakup that I've ever known. But still, 16 years have passed by. There are bound to be some sad feelings. And at the moment I really feel very sad. I'm finding it hard mostly because I seem to be the only one looking after the kids the majority of the time. And anyone who's spent a day in my mad house has probaly been happy for peace and quiet at the end of it! haha. Yeah, I'm needing some peace and quiet I think.

I'm not surprised that I have once again turned to music to help me heal. I always do. Last year when I went through a lot of shit with someone, and after coming out of the church, I used to play Apocalyptica's 'I dont care' every day. I'd sing as loud as I could to it and it was as if the words and music would get out the feelings I had trapped deep inside. It is still a song that I turn to if I ever feel angry. Which I do, a lot! Lol.

Maybe I've trained in the wrong profession! Perhaps music therapy would have been better suited to me! On a positive note I have just finished my nutrition course now and am waiting for that peice of paper that allows me to work (as if I well ever get time!) as a nutritional advisor.

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