A year of giggles and gigs.

Doesn't everyone love being spoilt? Yep, I know I sure do. And last weekend I was happily spoilt by one particularly hairy man who chooses to go by the name of Hank. (Rolls up eyes).

Anyway, so two weeks back marked the anniversary of our very first date. But Hank decided to have himself rushed to hospital via ambulance rather than celebrate. So I spent our anniversary worried out of my mind.... but all was well in the end and the following weekend he was still in the land of the living and cooking me a yummy meal.

So to celebrate our one year of laughs, giggles and numerous gigs, Hank cooked me a yummy meal with more starters than I've ever seen before, a steak dinner and yummy desert too. Oh, and of course... wine. Lots of wine. He gave me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, and a card too. And what did I get him? Nothing. Zilcho. Yes, I am a bad girl friend. Whoopsies!

For the love of ROCK!

I have wanted to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert for about 18 years. I already got to see The Black Crowes in concert back in July when 'Hank' and I went to England to see them. That was just possibly the most exiting evening of my life so far!

But this weekend coming I shall be seeing the Chili Peppers.... TWICE! Yes, twice! I managed to get tickets to see them in Dublin for Friday night. I was only able to get tickets by pre-ordering the new album which meant I was given a special code to order tickets 3 days before they went on general sale. And I am glad that I did, because they sold out within an hour. So I shall be seeing them with Hank on Friday, along with thousands and thousands of other people.

BUT.... I shall also be seeing them on Sunday in an intimate gig at the Ulster Hall in Belfast! And how did I manage to get tickets for that? See the photo above. By queuing for 12 hours, overnight, in the cold, in an orange body bag! Yes, I am slightly insane. But it will be so worth it to see them in such a small venue.

Thankfully it was a rain free night and not as cold as it has been. A and I were well prepared with hand warmers, sleeping bags, thermal undies, flasks of soup and wind resistant body bags. The hardest part was sitting on a small deck chair for 12 hours. By the time we got to buy the tickets in the morning, my entire body was in serious pain!

But we did it, and are now in possession of these treasured tickets which are selling for a small fortune on ebay! I can't wait until the weekend. I'm not sure I can handle this much excitement!

Girl Friends

I've been thinking lately about how lucky I am to have made some absolutely fabulous friends over the last few years, and to have kept some amazing women in my life since childhood. I was brought up not to treasure friends and often remember the 'church' subtly trying to discourage friendships outside of the fellowship. But despite their negative inflluences I always treasured every friend I have ever made. I think I am a good friend, and I value my friends with all my heart. When leaving the 'church' we left behind 90% of the people we had grown up with, had social lives with and were literally cast out as some sort of leper.

So, although it's not a long blog post, I just wanted to say a huge thankyou to the women in my life, who have been a tower or strength to me over the last 3 years (and beyond for some). I treasure each of you girls with my whole heart. Each one of you offers different qualities, opinions, ideas and laughs. Some of you do coffee with me and let me moan about school issues and sleepless nights. Some of you have listened to me for literally hours whilst I've poured my heart out to you. Some of you offer me fun, distraction and wonderfully happy times. Whatever you offer to me, I hope I give back something of value to you.

So to each woman pictured below, I want to say that I love each of you and am forever grateful to have known you. May we all be lifelong friends and never lose touch.

Happy summer holidays....

Tis the season for self pity.

Yes, it's a woe is me blog post. But, I have good reason to wallow for a while...
As most of you know I've been feeling like I've been hit by a truck for quite some time. My whole body has been aching and some days I've barely been able to get out of bed. I went to see the osteopath because of the intense pain in my right shoulder area, and have been having headaches, night sweats, fevers, stomach aches. Well, just about everything has ached at some point!

Recently dear little Barney caught Slap Cheek (or Parvovirus B19 to anyone in the know!) He had it quite severely. It's one of those childhood illnesses like chicken pox. Once you've had it as a child you are normally immune. Well, obviously I didn't have it as a child, because I caught the adult version of it. Which, as with chicken pox, is usually a lot harder on an adults body than a child's. I was really ill for a few days, with a temperature that we couldn't get below 39C with paracetamol. Marty was covering me with wet flannels, which was awful! Every bone and joint in my body hurt. I was a total mess.

After a few days of this I started getting very intense chest pains. This went on for about 24 hours before Marty phoned the doctors and they told me to go in for an ECG. The ECG was fine and the doctor said it was probably just pain from the inflammation in my chest wall due to the slap cheek virus.

By the next day I was still having constant chest pains. Pains so strong that I was crying out. You know, the sort of pain you can't ignore. So we headed, as advised, up to the hospital to get checked out (but not before stopping at Barney's school to see his debut performance in the school assembly!)

The doctor I was given was almost the twin of JD from Scrubs! But with a Northern Ireland accent. Lol. He was lovely, and so sympathetic. There's nothing worse than a doctor that doesn't care. He explained that parvovirus b19 can have some rare but nasty complications in adults, but that it was probably nothing more than heartburn. Ha, well I knew it wasn't heart burn, but I thought maybe there was a problem with my esophagus or something. Anyway, they took some bloods, and an x-ray and then tested my blood gas levels. Well, if anyone ever offers to test your blood oxygen levels then just say hell no! (Unless you're like dying or something!) He warned me that it would hurt, but daaaaannnnngg. I dunno what he was doing with that needle, and nothing other than air seemed to come out, but it went in and out of the same hole in my wrist about 5 or 6 times, each time in a different direction. I was a brave girl and I didn't even get a sticker.

Well, after all that poking and x-raying I just had to sit and wait for the results. During this wait my pain killers wore off and I started getting the chest pains badly again, and my temp started going up. I just wanted to be at home in bed really, because I was pretty sure they would tell me all the tests were clear and I just needed to fart, or something.

I saw the doctor check 4 other peoples chest x-rays. To me (totally untrained in the medical department) all the other peoples chest x-rays looked nice and healthy! I have no idea if they were or not. Then he took my chest x-ray and put it up. He examined it for a few minutes and I couldn't help taking a good look at it myself for a bit of hypochondrial self diagnosis. I was pretty sure my x-ray looked like I had something awful. Not only was there a massive liver in my shot, but a big round lumpy thing where the pain was radiating from in my chest. The doctor came over slowly and I could feel my palms getting sweaty as I waited for the terrible news. "Your chest x-ray looks fine" he said, "and your blood gas is normal too, so we are just waiting for your blood results." OK, maybe I really do just need to fart. How embarrassing.

My blood tests got lost in hematology. It took several irate phone calls from the ward sister to convince hematology that my bloods had even been taken, and then they claimed a computer malfunction. So they apologised that I had to wait so long. And I kept on waiting. The longer I waited the worse the pain was getting. I was doubled over in pain, but trying not to look like I was in pain, as I didn't want all the nurses laughing when they found out that I only needed to fart and had made a big fuss over nothing!

Eventually the blood results came back and I was summoned to a room with the JD lookalike. "Would you mind if I took a look at your stomach?" he asked. "Of course you can" I replied, thinking that obviously the bloods were fine and he's now looking at my stomach to see if I do indeed need to fart. He was poking and prodding and I thought that at any time he might hit the pocket of pain-killing wind and force it out of me right there and then in one big embarrassing explosion! Thankfully that didn't happen. He started prodding around under my ribs on the right hand side and ooooohhhh lord did that hurt! "That hurts doesn't it?" I thought Id kept a pretty calm expression on my face, but he was no fool. "Does that hurt too?" Yes. "And that?" Yes. "And there?" Yes.

"OK, well the pain confirms the blood test results. Now I don't want you to panic when I tell you this, and let me explain why in a moment, but you've got hepatitis in your liver." Hepatitis? Are you kidding? You mean, I don't just need to fart?? I didn't know whether to be upset or relieved. On the one hand I didn't want to be ill, but on the hand I didn't want to leave none the wiser as is often the case. Anyway he went on to explain that a very rare complication of slap cheek / parvovirus B19 is hepatitis. It's extremely unusual, but some people can develop either hepatitis, septicemia, meningitis or pericarditis (inflammation of the heart) from it. Well I must admit to being glad that I didn't get the meningitis. The doctor had suspected pericarditis from my symptoms, which sounds blooming scary so I'm glad it's not that. So, I have acute viral hepatitis, which should last less than 6 months. Most people don't know anything about viral hepatitis (me being one of them). It's not contracted in the same way as say hep b or hep c, and it's not contagious, so I can't give it to anyone else. But it's also not treatable, so I just have to play the waiting game and let my body beat it. He said that if I'm lucky I will recover in 10 days, but on average it would take a month, and could take up to 6 months. I have to get tested every 2 weeks.

I'm not entirely sure that I haven't had it for quite some time though. Liver pain transfers to the right shoulder area, and I've had right shoulder pain for a good month now. Although I suppose the parvovirus was probably in my system already.

Well, it's going to be tough for poor old Marty. I can get an hour where I feel absolutely fine, but I can suddenly feel as sick as a dog. Which is not surprising as I'm probably completely toxic! The doctor said I will probably turn yellow. Nice! Can't wait for that. So right now I'm spending the majority of time in bed. The pain killers don't cover the pain for long enough. I have to take them every 4 hours and they only work for 3 hours. So I have 3 hours of tiredness, then an hour of excruciating agony, then back to the tiredness. It kind of sucks really. Not easy when you have four children to take care of. I've never been so glad that Marty is not working before!

A very short post.

Just as things start to look up in life, something always comes along to kick you back down! Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself today. After looking after a sick Barney and a whingy Rosie all week I have now caught the kids illness 'slap cheek' or 'fifth disease' for you Americans. And boy am I miserable. Interspersed with OK moments (like now) I am enjoying tremendous bone and joint pain. It's really very painful. With that I'm lucky enough to go from high temps of 39C plus body sweats, followed by feeling cold and having the shivers. Nothing would lower my temperature last night so Marty resorted to covering me with wet flannels, an experience I never want to repeat. Cold wet flannels on irritated high temp skin is as painful as fire! After all my complaining he decided that misting me with a spray of water might be better. The mist falling on my body felt like a million needles shooting down and stabbing me. I was not impressed! A couple of times a day I feel better and think its all over, but then it starts all over again. Gahhh. Every single joint apart from my hands and fingers feels inflamed and sore. I'm feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. Thank goodness Marty is here to look after the kids. I don't know what I'd do without him!

So I am laid up in bed, too painful to walk, with lots and lots and lots of thinking time. Bleh. I was supposed to be going to the doctors today for a follow up appointment to get my medication altered etc, but I was too ill to go! Sob, sniff, whinge.... No, I'm not a good patient.

Click me better

Yesterday was a first experience for me. I paid a small fortune to see an Osteopath. I've been in so much pain for so long. But recently it got unbearable. Especially in the right side of my neck and shoulder area. So I booked an appointment with an Osteopath who came highly recommended. I've never been to one before so wasn't sure what to expect. After chatting about my medical history for 15 minutes he decided that I should see him twice; once for treatment on my bones, and once on my muscles - a week apart. I need so much doing that he said it would be too much for my body to do it all in one session!

After looking at my posture he seemed rather shocked that I wasn't in even more pain than I actually was. He said that my hip joints were both out of alignment, so badly so that I had one leg an inch shorter than the other! When he realigned them he told me I might fall over when I stood up as I'd be used to walking with different length legs! Both hips joints were twisted, but in the opposite direction to each other, which I guess is why my back and shoulders were in so much pain. My back was probably compensating for my wonky hips. After discussion we decided that it had probably happened 18 months before when I'd fallen down the stairs and broke my toe. I landed on my butt so hard that night that my hip joints were in pain for weeks.

Anyway, my pelvis was also out of alignment due to the SPD I'd had during pregnancy so he clicked that back into shape, then he realigned all the vertebrae up my spine with a lot of clicking and crunching sounds! He twisted my body into all sorts of shapes to shift everything back into line. A big crack from my chest area made him exclaim 'oh my goodness, it looks like one of your ribs was out of line'. Eeewwwww. But he did the most work on my neck and head. Usually every time I turn my head I can hear crunching sounds in the base of my spine. Those sound have gone now, thank goodness. He clicked my neck and head this way and that, then I felt a tingling warm rush go up the side of my head, which he said was the blood flowing more freely as it had been trapped. Lastly he manipulated the back of my skull in an attempt to relieve me of the migraines I've been suffering with for years.

So I had a big old overhaul and felt very stretchy and limber afterwards. I'm going back next week for my muscle treatment. No idea what that involves, but I'm sure it will be just as interesting.

My answers to the Proust Questionnaire...

I originally saw this over on Darwi's blog and thought I would answer it too, one day, when I get time. Well, today Rosie was unwell and so she slept all evening, which means now, at 1am, she is lying in her moses basket totally wide awake! So I'm going to answer some of this. It may take me more than one visit to blogger to get it finished.

"Since July 1993, the back page of Vanity Fair has been devoted to the Proust Questionnaire, in which a noteworthy person answers a series of personal questions. The questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust (1871–1922), the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Click on the archived questionnaires below and decide for yourself." To see the answers of famous people who has completed this questionnaire on Vanity Fair click here.

Answer the Proust Questionnaire!

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Perfect happiness doesn't exist!
I guess perfect happiness is something akin to the feeling a mother has when she has been through nine months of pregnancy, a painful labour, and then she is handed her new born child for the first time. That moment of intense happiness and relief is something you never experience any other way.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Undoubtedly my greatest fear is losing my children and husband in some tragic pain filled accident. I find it too painful to even think of a life without them. But to think that their last moments would be terrifying and painful is too horrific to contemplate. How does anyone carry on after something like that? This is for sure, my greatest fear.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My sensitivity. I am far too sensitive to make it through this world without a lot of heartache and pain. I take negative comments very badly and feel awful if someone doesn't like me. I wish I had thicker skin. I'm not just sensitive about myself, but others too. I can't watch the news at times because all the human suffering and evil upsets me. If I watch a film about the holocaust I can't sleep for weeks and cry a lot about it. I wish so much that I wasn't as sensitive, as life would be so much easier. But at the same time I believe it makes me a better person in some aspects.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

I have two traits that I deeply deplore in other people. Selfishness and lying. I can not comprehend nor forgive either of these traits. Dishonesty is a close third. Although that's close to lying. But outward lying is just wrong. Full stop. And selfishness is an ugly characteristic in anyone.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

I don't need to think about this for a second. It has to be my husband. I have never met another person like him. He is truly kind, unselfish, thoughtful, helpful and always thinks of everyone before himself. I have never met a less selfish person. He works so hard to keep others happy that he often goes without himself. He is everything that I aspire to be, and so much more. If more people were like him, the world was undoubtedly be a much better place to live.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

I'm not a very extravagant person. But I have spent a fair bit of money over the years on books. Not novels, but educational books about nutrition, gardening, self sufficiency, international adoption, cooking, un-cooking and more.

7. What is your current state of mind?

Severely depressed. Deeply saddened and numbed of any other feelings or emotions. Occasionally angry. But this is not the norm for me. Just a passing phase I hope. I'm usually pretty upbeat and strong.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Beauty. Is that a virtue? Lol. Perhaps not. I think most virtues are worth having.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

I would lie to my kids if it would save them hurt or heartbreak.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I'd like a nice long neck and better facial bone structure. Weight is easily changeable, but bone structure, well that's tougher!

11. Which living person do you most despise?

I don't despise anyone that I know personally. The person I like least at the moment is the woman who made up lies about me and turned my dear friend against me.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Respect for women. I like men to treat women as equals, whilst also maintaining respect for them. There is nothing worse for me than when I need to use a mans services for something I know nothing about, say a plumber, electrician or mechanic, and he treats me as if I am just a stupid woman and wouldn't know any better. For a man to treat a women as equal is important, but with care and respect as well. I like men who open doors for me!

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

The ability to remain calm and patient when everything around her is in chaos.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

"Have you done that yet???"
"I'm sick of telling you this over and over!"
"I love you"

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Steve of course! (And Ville Valo a close second!) I new I'd spend the rest of my life with Steve within moments of meeting him. If, however, I ever meet Ville Valo, Steve's history!

16. When and where were you happiest?

White Sands Desert of New Mexico, March 2008. I felt a moment sitting on the pure white sand dunes, watching the sun go down, of pure peace, contentment and happiness. Marty had gone for a walk, the kids were playing in the sand, and we were half way through the trip of a lifetime. I've never felt such serenity or pure fulfillment. I believe that was my happiest moment. I had everything I ever wanted, and more.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I'd love to be an amazingly talented singer. Wouldn't anyone? Either that or the ability to get myself out of bed at a reasonable time!

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My slowness. I'd like to be able to complete more in a 24 hour period. Actually, scrap that... I'd like to change my right inner ear and swap it for one that doesn't have pulsatile tinnitus. Then I could enjoy a moment of silence.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Giving birth.
Or the trip across America.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A tree. One of those big old redwoods or some sort of huge tree that lives for centuries. Just think of all the things you'd see.

21. Where would you most like to live?

In a forest, with a stream near by. I love forests. There's something magical about them. I love the way they smell, and all the wildlife. Perhaps a huge forest in Canada or New Zealand. As a child I was addicted to the Enid Blyton books about The Enchanted Forest. Perhaps that's where my love of the woodlands came from?

22. What is your most treasured possession?
Gosh, tough one. My most treasured things are my family, but I guess that's not a possession. I'm not a very materialistic person. But I guess I'd be heartbroken if I lost my re-engagement ring. The ring Marty re-proposed to me with a few years ago. I do treasure that. There's a blog post about that here.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Being suicidal. Being in so much physical or emotional pain that one can bare life no more.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

I'm not sure if by occupation it means something to pass time, or a career?
For passing time my favourite occupation is writing. Couldn't you tell?
As a career I've always wanted to be either a midwife or a paramedic.


25. What is your most marked characteristic?

Caring for others.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Trust

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Maya Angelou , Edgar Allen Poe, Jeanette Winterson, Virginia Andrews

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Hmm, pretty sure I don't have one.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I dont think I have an answer to this one. I dont really identify with anyone from history.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Anyone who devotes their lives to helping others. Doctors who work with orphans in Africa when they could instead be earning large amounts of money at home.

31. What are your favorite names?

Timeless names. I don't like these stupid new-fan-dangled names after cars or cities.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

That's a pretty broad question. I could answer it with anything from 'having the runs after a really hot curry', to 'people who abuse children'. I guess the thing I dislike most in the whole world is pedophilia? But I also don't like it when my kids are sick and suffering. This is just too broad to answer.

33. What is your greatest regret?

Introducing my dear friend to that woman. No, honestly, it is. I don't have many regrets. Maybe growing up in the church, but that wasn't my fault. Or some of the hurtful things I've said to people I love over the years. But introducing her to him was definitely my biggest mistake.

34. How would you like to die?

Doesn't everyone want to die peacefully in their sleep at a good age? I don't want to drag on till a ripe old age, living every day in pain. I'd rather go before it gets too bad. As long as I don't burn to death. I'd quite like to just walk into a warm sea and drift off into the sunset. Actually I think dying whilst under anesthetic has got to be the most peaceful way to go. I've been anesthetized twice now and I can honestly say that if I'd died during the operations, I wouldn't have known a thing about it!

35. What is your motto?

"You only live once"
I'm a real advocate for doing the things you want to do with your life. What is the point of missing out on your dreams just because you don't have enough courage or gumption??

Motivation

It's time to get myself a bit motivated about something. I am trying to get back into nutrition again. As readers of my old blog will know I have been very interested in sprouting and raw foods for many years now. When we ate a lot of sprouts, sunflower greens and raw foods I felt on top of the world and full of energy. I need to start feeling that way again. Instead of sluggish, slow, recently pregnant and tired. If you're not sure what sprouting is, you can read my blog post all about it on my old blog by clicking here. And for a little about eating raw read this blog post.

So today we had our first fresh batch of sprouts which were a detox mix including mung bean, broccoli, clover, beetroot, alfalfa, radish and a few others. Today I've set a jar of clover sprouts to germinate and they will be ready in about 3 days. I love sprouting. It's so refreshing and rejuvenating, and just full of life giving goodness. I got out of the way of it when we were travelling across America, and I really must get into it again. I always feel so much happier when I'm producing good healthy nutrition for my family.

So I've been thinking a lot about what to do to benefit my health at the moment. I want to get back into making my own flour and bread again too. I don't think I have the get-up-and-go this year to get the vegetable garden back in working order. Not with a small baby to look after. Which is a shame because I enjoy the fresh air and I get a real buzz in the summer from spending time in the vegetable garden. It was one of the most beneficial projects I have ever under-taken. I felt so at peace, yet so alive when sitting out in the vegetable garden, pulling up weeds in the summer time. Here is one of my vegetable gardening blog posts, from the good old days! My vegetable garden is now 4 ft tall with weeds. But that's what happens when you leave it all behind to go travelling, and I don't regret that for a second!

So I have ordered two vegan cookbooks. I do like my meat, but I don't like to eat a lot of it. I'm much happier with a mostly vegetarian diet, and I think it's more natural. I have a lot of cool raw food books, but thought a couple of vegan books might inspire me to get back into the kitchen. My kitchen has been taken over by a man. Lol. A man who likes to cook, but likes to eat a lot of meat, and not a lot of veg! It has been nice not having to cook while he's been off work, but I do miss my creativity in the kitchen. I think I will let him cook the main meals while I fiddle around with the raw foods.

So there you have it, I am trying to think positively and to do things to fulfill my life again. I am very cross that I let myself be so affected by someone who obviously didn't give a damn about me in the long run. I must try not to get so hurt by people. But it's never easy. I am what I am. Too caring for my own good half the time. But I am trying to perk myself up before I go into a depression. I have a few good days and then I just feel totally wrecked and sad. I feel sorry for my family when I'm like that. But it's hard to just get out of it.

I have also started a music blog. Well, its just something silly for myself really. A sort of music diary. I tend to use music as therapy and so I've started to document that a bit. Not sure how long I will keep it up for.

Another week over and out of the way

Another week is over thankfully. At the moment I feel as though I am just passing time. Although at the same time I'm sad time is passing, as every week Rosie gets older and less newborn-like. It's amazing to see her grow and develop, but I know how short this time lasts for and I want to enjoy it while I can. But right now I feel so blooming miserable most of the time that I'm barely enjoying anything.

At least I can sleep now, which is a blessing. For many weeks I just lay staring at the ceiling, totally frustrated at my lack of sleep-ability. Now I could literally sleep my life away, if allowed to.

We had to take Rosie to the on-call doctor up at Craigavon Hospital today. She's had weepy eyes since she was born but they'd got infected with full-on conjunctivitis and were horribly stuck together. She now has some antibiotic eye drops to use for a few days, so hopefully that will clear it up.

I've been trying to find something to distract my mind a bit. I've been thinking on and off about all sorts of ventures but have no motivation for anything other than sleep. There are two OCA courses that I'm interested in, and the points for them can count towards the OU degree that I started a few years ago. I like the look of this Creative Writing course, and this digital photography course. But at almost 600 quid per course I can't really afford to do them, so I have applied to the college for a bursary. They have a fund set aside each year for students that they feel show a talent in a certain area. I doubt they will fund me for both courses, but maybe one. I had to formally apply for the bursary with proof that I'm a pauper, and with evidence of my talents! I should hear back from them within three weeks.

Our oven has totally died. It needed replacing five years ago, and we have made do. But now the door has fallen off and the whole thing is kaput. Today we went out to buy a new one, discovered that built in ovens with a grill cost about 700 quid each and came home without one. So it's stir fries for us for the foreseeable future!

England, Part 2...

I've been sitting here for 15 minutes looking over the England photos and trying to work out what to write about. I just don't know quite where to start. Rosie and I spent 10 days visiting friends and family from around Kent. I have to say that Rosie was an absolute angel the entire time. I think in 10 days she only cried once, which was when I gave her a bath on the last day when all she really wanted was a bottle. Apart from that she was a dream to travel with. I made it there and back through the airports with Rosie in a sling, and she never complained once. What a little star.

We did a lot of visiting. It was great to see so many old faces. One afternoon we had lunch with V from school and her daughter R. R was besotted with Rosie, and was happy to help me feed her, cuddle her and kiss her. Rosie was delighted with the attention and plied little R with plenty of smiles. It was great to see V after 16 years, and I must say she hasn't aged a day! She still looks exactly the same!

Another afternoon we met L (also an old friend from school) and her daughter. Her two year old little girl was delightful and full of adventure. We had a chat about our kids and her son sounds very similar to my Barney in a lot of ways.

It was also great to meet Miss S again. Her and Mrs T were two of my bridesmaids, 15 long years ago. We met at T's house, ate pizza, and drank wine. I think I went a bit over the top with some of the old school days anecdotes, but it was all good fun. When we all get together it's like we are 15 years old again. I don't feel a day older anyway, with or without wrinkles and grey hair.

I was sad to hear that my friend K's father is very ill with lung cancer, but was pleased to be able to spend an evening with her. She's moved to Maidstone now so it's easier to meet up when I'm over.

My Aunty Claire organised a family afternoon at her house on the Saturday. It was the first time I've seen that side of the family for years. My cousin Ben was there, as well as my Dad and my Grandparents. We shared lots of stories about various ancestors and talked about where our family came from. I was pleased to see Grandma again and glad that she seemed well.

That evening Mrs T, Miss C and CR (plus little Rosie) all went out for a meal to the White Rabbit in Maidstone. It was just like old times again. The food and company were both lovely. T came back to C's house with us and we spent an hour taking hilarious photos. Poor T hadn't enjoyed the wine that C and I had indulged in, but she was a great sport and put up with our silly antics. I had such a great laugh that night and it really cheered me up no end.

I could be writing all evening if I mentioned every story from our trip, like the time I lost my mobile phone and C drove me all over Kent looking for it at 2am, or the time we came 4th at the Langley Village Hall quiz night, or how the airport security metal detector went off every time they scanned my stomach! But all in all great fun was had by all and I am ever more grateful for my gorgeous, thoughtful and precious friends.

Here are a selection of photos from the trip...

Precious people

It's almost 1am and I'm not in bed yet, despite Rosie being tucked up fast asleep in her moses basket. After Rosie and I got home from our trip to England yesterday, I went to bed and didn't get up for 14 hours! I was shattered. I will write another blog post tomorrow all about the rest of our trip. But right now it's a bit too late to start all that.

Rosie has slept almost constantly since we got home. I gave her some Calpol this evening as I think she's feeling a bit under the weather. It's not like her to sleep so much, and she sounds a bit hoarse when she's awake, so I think she might have that sore throat that's going round at the moment. (I've had it for almost 3 weeks now!)

Well the trip to England certainly took my mind off of things for a while. But now that I'm home I'm thinking about what to do next. I need to start something that's going to occupy my brain somewhat. But I'm not sure what yet. A course? A job? Volunteer work? Write a book?

I went to the doctors today. I've been feeling like I did in America just before I ended up in hospital. Although I'm not as bad as I was then, it's certainly progressing that way. I've been choking, coughing, struggling to breath and feeling tight in the neck area. I do get that way at night often, I wake up struggling to breath. But not during the day so much. Lately though it's been happening up to about 30 times in a 24 hour period. So a trip to the doctor was in order. She did the puffer test thing on me to see how good my breath was, and it was dismal. She said I should be reaching about 550 and I was only reaching around 340. So I have new inhalers, powder ones this time, and I have to go back in a month to see if there is any improvement. I do hope it works. My blood pressure was through the roof again though and she's talking about putting me back on medication for that.

After talking to my Mum about it all this evening I'm wondering if it's all anxiety related. No doubt about it, the things that have been happening lately have left me extremely upset and anxious, so maybe she is right. I do have a severe dust allergy and it makes sense that it could also cause asthma, but perhaps it gets worse when I am anxious. I keep dreaming that I can't breath and then wake up feeling like my throats closed over and I'm suffocating. Then I start choking. All rather unpleasant. I do hope it's not anxiety related. I've never been an anxious person before.

Well, as I said I shall write a post tomorrow about the trip. I have some truly precious friends in England and I desperately miss them. Miss C has been a good friend to me through thick and thin for many, many years. And Mrs T never fails to make me laugh and cheer me up. I treasure them both with all my heart and I hope that they know this. I think they do. Thanks for everything girls. I do miss you both so much. xxx