Girl Friends

I've been thinking lately about how lucky I am to have made some absolutely fabulous friends over the last few years, and to have kept some amazing women in my life since childhood. I was brought up not to treasure friends and often remember the 'church' subtly trying to discourage friendships outside of the fellowship. But despite their negative inflluences I always treasured every friend I have ever made. I think I am a good friend, and I value my friends with all my heart. When leaving the 'church' we left behind 90% of the people we had grown up with, had social lives with and were literally cast out as some sort of leper.

So, although it's not a long blog post, I just wanted to say a huge thankyou to the women in my life, who have been a tower or strength to me over the last 3 years (and beyond for some). I treasure each of you girls with my whole heart. Each one of you offers different qualities, opinions, ideas and laughs. Some of you do coffee with me and let me moan about school issues and sleepless nights. Some of you have listened to me for literally hours whilst I've poured my heart out to you. Some of you offer me fun, distraction and wonderfully happy times. Whatever you offer to me, I hope I give back something of value to you.

So to each woman pictured below, I want to say that I love each of you and am forever grateful to have known you. May we all be lifelong friends and never lose touch.

The best parts of every day

Every day has so much to offer as a mother. At any moment the unexpected can happen. And every day is filled with joy, adventure, excitement, achievement, pride, sadness, guilt, anxiety, anger. Being a mother is like being on an emotional roller-coaster sometimes. From highs to lows, with scary moments and exciting moments in between. In reading the book 'Buddhism for Mothers' I am learning to take stock of every moment. To live in the present instead of languishing in the past or racing into the future. As a parent it is often so easy to be so busy racing around, trying to get everything done, that instead of enjoying every moment with our children we are so busy thinking about whats next and racing ahead with life. Every mother knows that when we don't take enough time out of chores to enjoy our children, we feel guilty; but if we do take time to sit and enjoy our children we chastise ourselves for not getting things done! Mothers can be so hard on themselves!

A young child is not aware of time. They don't feel the desperation to get everything done as we do. And so they can take as long as they like to do anything. A short walk for a toddler can be spread over a full morning as they examine every leaf, every bug, every flower or twig. They are filled with so much wonder, and so much time. What a shame that we lose this timeless ability to enjoy life as we get older!

So taking note of the advise in my mothering book (which I am only about a third of the way through reading) I am trying to be mindful of every moment. Taking time to see the joy in every moment. Taking time to watch and enjoy each of my children. Living in the present. As the book says, "watching our children more closely affords us a more satisfying experience of motherhood."

The best parts of every day, for me, are the mornings when little Rosie opens her eyes and immediately gives me a big smile through the bars of her cot. If it is the weekend this is followed by a boisterous Barney who loves to clamber up into the bed for 'mummy snuggles' with me. But also last thing at night, as Rosie starts to get tired and grizzly. She has a certain grizzle about her when it's time for her night sleep. I change her nappy, put on her babygro, and hold her close in my arms against my chest. She looks at me with a tired face, turns her head in towards me to snuggle close, and goes to sleep. She looks so content, and trusting, and peaceful, to just be in the arms of her mother. And this moment always gives me great joy.

If you are a busy mother who would like to learn how to experience more calm in her life, I'd really recommend giving the book 'Buddhism for Mothers' a go. You don't need to be a Buddhist to read it. It is not a religious book. It simply shows how the Buddhist teachings can promote equanimity in the life of Mums. (And Equanimity, as I have learned today, is the ability to keep calm no matter what is happening!)

Choices

I'm in denial about the fact that I have a child who is taking his GCSE options next week! How did that happen? I went to sleep one day and woke up with a teenage son! So here I am, still trying to work out what I want to do with my life, whilst trying to guide my son in the right direction for his career opportunities!

I'm rather miffed that RE GCSE is a compulsory exam. Er, why? When do any of us ever use anything we learn in RE again?? What a total waste of study. I'm rather cross about it to be honest. Badger (it's going to take me a while getting used to that new blog name!) will have to miss out on a subject such as ICT that might be of some use to him in life, to take RE instead! So next week I have to go to a parents evening to meet all the teachers in an attempt to work out what options he should take. I don't remember any parental involvement when I chose mine. I think I just chose them and no one really showed much interest.

He has to take English Language, Double Science, Maths and RE (!?!?!??!?!?!) then 4 other subjects. He wants to do Media Studies BTEC which is equivalent to 2 GCSE's as far as I'm aware, plus Drama, Engligh Literature and ICT. Which is one exam too many. So he's going to have to drop ICT I think. He could do 10 exams but I really don't think he'd cope with that amount of work. I struggled to do ten GCSE's myself, and I don't mind hard work. Badger, on the other hand, is often work shy. Lol.

I am also thinking myself about what to do this year. I am not someone who is generally content to just get up, do the housework, feed the kids, and sleep. I need more than that in my life. I do enjoy being a Mum, don't get me wrong, but I need an outlet other than that or I start to go a bit stir crazy. And right now I need something to occupy my mind more than ever. Months of thinking about the same problem has almost totally squished my brain of any motivation or desire!

But what to do? I want to get back into Bellydance, but that only takes up one evening a week. I need something that requires a lot of thinking and brain exercise. Any ideas? I could do some volunteer work, find a part time job (although I'm supposed to be on maternity leave so that's probably not really an option), write the book I've been meaning to write for years? I don't know. I kind of want to start writing this book, but the fact that it might be a monumental waste of precious time kind of puts me off.

We have been thinking a bit about moving back to England and Marty saw some properties advertised on the web that were actually cheap enough to leave us mortgage free if we moved to them. They had enough bedrooms and were near to our friends. OK, they weren't palaces, but at least they were affordable. It's just getting the time together to really talk about it. I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do anything, let alone something so huge.

Two days of using the new asthma medication the doctor gave me and I feel so much better. I've stopped waking up choking, my throat is no longer sore, and I am not choking anywhere near as much during the day. Maybe twice a day as opposed to 20 times a day. The doctor said it might take 2 weeks to work (if it did work) so I'm very pleased with the result!

I joined twitter this week but found it so boring that I deleted it straight away. Lol. There is a funny video about twittering on youtube called 'Twitter Ruined My Life'. I found the video hilarious, but sadly true of some people!

So, it seems that I changed my blog address to this new one, changed all our names and info yet the woman I was getting away from seems to have been reading the blog all along. I don't know who gave her the address or how she found it. She is using a cloaking program to try to hide her identity, but all that does is hide how she gets to my blog and how she leaves. Her IP address, ISP provider and location all remain the same, so I can plainly see when she reads it. I do wonder why she felt the need to track me down and keep reading. Bit sad isn't it?