First supermarket walk

This is just the cutest video. At Centra in Banbridge they have little kiddie sized trollies. This was the very first time Rosie discovered them, and she can now walk well enough to push one around for me. We filled it with bread and milk, and she thought she was a proper little Mummy. What is nice to see is how the eldest two really watch out for her, and protect her.

Fun times

Life is so hectic that I only get to blog if I stay up really late, way after everyone else is sleeping. But usually I am too tired to do that.

So here's a catch up blog post. Although I have so much to blog about that I can't possibly fit it all into one blog post!

So, spring has sprung and Rosie is loving the outdoors! All she wants to do is play outside in the garden. She can't comprehend that it is sometimes raining or too cold to go out. So she sits at the back door, banging at it and screaming. If someone does take her outside her little face lights up in delight. Fortunately for Rosie she has three big siblings who all adore her enough to take her out. Between the lot of us we bounce her on the huge trampoline, push her in Barneys old baby swing, take her for rides up the street in Barneys old push-along car, or play with her in the sandpit. Because she can't walk yet she actually grazes her little knees - through her trousers - from crawling across the patio. But she doesn't care because she just loves being outside.

She has had a bit of a dodgy hair cut - as you can see! Her fringe was always in her eyes, no matter how often we clipped it out of the way. So a cut was in order. But it is very hard to cut a wriggling baby's hair when they just won't sit still! It will look better when it grows a bit. Hehehe. At least she can see again!

Barney has been having a pretty good time of it lately - in comparison to how things have been. The medication is really working now and he doesn't get anywhere near as anxious as he had been. I keep reminding myself that the medicine is only a temporary measure, just to give him (and us) a break from the trauma. The last week he went into school without any tears at all. We are still doing the same routine of going in late, me staying with him in the staff room until he is calm enough etc. It is still taking him quite a while to get into class, but he goes when he is ready and he doesn't cry any more. Which is a hugely positive step in the right direction! I am so proud of him. But in the back of my mind I'm always dreading the inevitability of him coming off of the medication.

I am reading a book called 'Homeschooling The Child With Asperger Syndrome' at the moment. Marty and I have had a lot of discussions about it and we haven't yet come to any final decisions. I tried a little homeschooling weekend with Barney, without his knowledge. I basically let him learn about whatever he wanted to for the day, and he had the best time ever. He watched the new 'Wonders of the Solar System' BBC documentary, which is aimed at adults and not easy to understand. However he was transfixed by it! He went into school and told the entire class all about the planet Saturn; that its rings are made of ice, that it has its own moons etc. Then he spent an hour on youtube watching various movies about space. In the photo above he is watching a NASA documentary about the astronauts working on the space station. He decided that he needed a noticeboard in his bedroom because "I now study space Mummy and I need a notice board to put all my work on". We used some of his DLA money to buy a notice board and he's gotten busy filling it up with various space projects.

On Monday he had his first visit from F, the NHS Autism support lady (I totally have no idea what her official title is!) She spent almost two hours with him in our living room. He spent the entire two hours showing off. (As anyone who knows him can well imagine!!) She brought him a worry box, and a school/home schedule to follow each day. The idea of the worry box is that every time he has a worry, instead of coming to me in tears and panic he writes his worry down and posts it into the box. Then at the end of the day I empty the box, pick 5 worries to discuss and we set a timer to 10 minutes whilst we go over his worries. In theory it's a good idea; and it has worked for some of his smaller worries. But he has been hesitant to fill it with his darker concerns. The things that really tear him up when he's not on the medication. A few times he had come to me the way he does, panicking about death, or murder or whatever - but when I've reminded him to put it in his worry box he says no. On probing the matter it became obvious what the problem was. He doesn't want to have to be reminded of the sad worry later in the day. He said to me 'but if I put my worry about you dying into the box then we will have to talk about it again later and I will get all upset again'.

Barney and Marty as supposed to be going to England next week to visit family. Well, the idea of the trip isn't so much about visiting anyone. It's more to do with Barney having a practice run on a plane, and having some time with his Daddy. But whether on not he will get on the plane is anyone's guess! The tickets were dirt cheap, so it's no big loss if they can't go. Today I made him a book about the trip, as advised by every autism-person that I meet. He still keeps telling me that he might not be able to handle it. I hope he does as they would both have a great time together. Tarja is going away with her friend at the same time, so it will be only me and my first and last born at home. Here are a couple of pages from his book.

Robots take over our Saturday…

I’ve missed having the kids at home on their first week back at school. It seems so quiet with just Rosie in the house until 2pm. So today Barney and I spent a good half of the day at the kitchen table making a robot with a cereal box. He was delighted to make a robot with his Mummy. I cut out the shapes and then let him design it, and it turned out to be pretty cool, as you can see in the photos! I quite enjoyed myself too.

Rosie woke up at 6.30 this morning and for some bizarre reason I haven't gone back to sleep, even though Marty has taken her down for breakfast. So I might as well use this quiet time to write a blog post.

Only two weeks to go until the baby naming ceremony. I have so much to organise! I really need to get a move on with it today. Quite a few people are coming, so I need to have something for them to come to! I am so excited about my best friend from school, T, coming over for the baby naming weekend. Also my grandparents happen to be visiting my Mum at the same time, so they will be there too. I better start organising the thing properly. So far all I have is ideas!

The summer holidays have been a bit drab so far. Terrible weather, no car, and Marty away doing the book fair, have all made for a boring couple of weeks. But now, we have a new car! Well, it's new to us at least. Thank goodness for that. We can finally leave the house. I had taken to going for walks in the graveyard behind our house, just to get out!

Today, if the weather isn't too bad, we will take the kids to Gosford Forest Park. They always enjoy it there... so many trees to climb and hide behind, so many places to explore. We always find it a magical wee place. Barney will no doubt be looking for fairies, and doors to their homes in the big trees. And no doubt, I will take a million photos. I love taking photos outdoors.

Ooohh Marty and I both got our hair cut this week. Mine had grown so long, so quickly, and was just a mess. Marty has had long hair since our trip to America. But now he has it cut down to how it was before we left... not really short, but not long. Something like this.... I think it really suits him that length.

This week has been a bit of a luxury one. My sister M and I went to stay at a health spa over night, at a hotel in County Cavan. It was great to have a wee break from mothering for a few hours, and to feel all pampered and luxurious! M and I had a good laugh, and enjoyed the different steam rooms, saunas, foot spas etc, not to mention the pool. I might take Marty there sometime for a break, I think he would enjoy it.

I've just remembered that we took a few photos yesterday. So here at the best of them...

Inspired by the film 'Monster House', Barney decided to keep watch on the neighbours home. He says the lady spends far too much time cleaning her house, and it was up to him to spy on her. In 'Monster House' the boys dress up a vacuum cleaner as a person. Barney didn't have a vacuum cleaner, so he disguised his kiddie lawn mower (see photo). This lawn mower sat on our lawn all day, spying on the neighbours. There were all sorts of traps and trip wires set up across the lawn, in case someone should invade us. Lol.

Today was supposed to be such a busy day. I had 3 different events planned for today, but one by one they have all been cancelled. I am not complaining, as it means that I now have the house to myself for the day! Which is a rarity that I truly enjoy.

We were planning to go to W5 today with a friend. But the friend was unwell, and as it turns out I have a cold so I am quite relieved not to be going. Marty has gone instead, with the kids. Barney was fine about the trip being cancelled. Then when Marty said he would take him instead, he was excited. But excitement often leads to anxiety attacks. After getting dressed and ready to go Barney started to feel sick and panicky and decided that he couldn't go after all. For some reason the wind outside seemed to be bothering him too. He begged not to go. I wrote him a page out about the days events, and we drew pictures of all the exciting things he likes at W5. But still he did not want to go.

Anyway, my sister M turned up with her new doggie which we are baby sitting for the weekend. Barney loves Mookie, but is a little nervous about her. Once she arrived he decided a trip to W5 was the better of two evils, and off they went! I hope they have a good time and he doesn't spend the whole day panicking.

I phoned the doctors this morning for the results of my latest liver function tests. She said that my liver function is improving (good news!) but isn't yet back to normal. I'm a little surprised as I have been feeling so well the last 2 weeks. I have to be tested every two months now instead of every two weeks, so I guess that's a good sign. If it's not back to normal next time then they are sending me for liver scan.

Rosie has started to sit up on her own now. She has been doing it for a few weeks but was a bit wobbly. Now she seems to be quite happy to sit unaided. She looks so grown up when she does. She is such a poser! As soon as she sees a camera she gives a great big smile!

Look at these two photos of me and Rosie at the same age. Don't you think there's quite a resemblance??
















I have been taking steps to make life a bit easier for Barney (and myself). I've been reading various books and sites about Aspergers and Autism, and tried to implement a few new things to see how they help. I have printed out and laminated a morning and evening routine for him. It basically lists all the things he needs to do, such as brush his teeth, make his bed etc, and he ticks them off when he is done. He likes having them to follow, and it means I don't have to keep asking him if he's done everything. But the best thing so far has been the little food planner that is on the fridge. I laminated some little food pictures to represent each of the following; breakfast, lunch, dinner, pudding, 1 unhealthy snack, 1 healthy snack, 1 fruit snack. Barney puts magnets onto each one and pins them to the fridge every morning. Each time he has used one of them he puts them into a little pouch and they are gone for the day. It is working really well. On a normal day Barney can ask for food every 10 minutes or so. It is a constant battle of reminding him what he has already eaten, and putting up with the tantrums that follow a 'no you can't have something bad for you'. Now, he looks at his pictures to see what options he has. Once the option has gone to the pouch he doesn't ask for it any more. It is wonderful!

I have also printed out lots of clocks for him. When something planned is happening during the day we draw the hands onto the printed clock so that he knows what time the event will take place at. It seems to give him some peace of mind.

For the first time since Rosie was born, six months ago, I am starting to feel like my old self again. Having a baby certainly takes it out of a woman for more than the nine months that she is pregnant! Rosie moved into her own bedroom this week and seems to be sleeping quite well in there. It is nice to be able to sit in bed with a good book at night again. I haven't done that for so long as we had to keep the room dark for the sleeping littlun.

At the moment I am reading 'The Meaning of things - Applying Philosophy to Life (a great little book that is written in bite sized chapters and isnt hard to understand - so far I have read about death, sorrow, prudence, moralising, tolerance, courage v cowardice and lying - it really is very thought provoking) I am also delving into 'Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew', which is eye opening and enlightening. I've just finished reading 'Can I Tell You About Aspurger Syndrome' which was easily readable in an afternoon. The book could almost be written specifically about Barney. Tarja and Badger are going to have a read of it over the summer holidays. It is a great book for helping siblings, parents, family or friends to understand Aspergers more. I'd recommend it to anyone who's child is affected by Aspergers.

Barney has had a good few days, after the meltdown he had at my sisters house on Saturday. It was Badgers 14th birthday party (I know! Fourteen! How did THAT happen?) so Barney, Rosie and I headed off to my sisters house for some peace and quiet while Marty ran the party here. I knew Barney wouldn't appreciate the noise of the teenagers. So we took a trip to Ikea in Belfast then headed off to my sisters. The second we arrived Barney (being typically outspoken and straight to the point - a trait of Aspergers, so I've read) announced that the house wasn't tidy and smelled bad. He then commenced the cleaning of my sisters kitchen. He washed up the dishes, cleaned the oven, washed the bins and swept the kitchen floor. Barney has always stated the obvious very openly, and people often think he is just rude. No matter how much I explain to him how to be subtle or discrete, he just doesn't get it. I've been reading that this is a very common sign of Aspergers.

Anyway, we had a nice meal cooked by my lovely little sister, and we played with her cat. All was well until it was time to go home, late at about 9.30pm. We packed our bags and headed out to the car, all was well. I strapped Rosie into her car seat, my sister strapped Barney into his booster seat. I turned the engine on and opened one of the electric windows. Suddenly Barney had a complete meltdown. Goodness knows what triggered it? Me opening the window without telling him? The noise of the engine? I've no idea, and nor has he. He started screaming that he had to get out, undid his seat belt, opened the door, ran out into the road, ran into my sisters house screaming that he was going to be sick. He ran into her bathroom and stood over the toilet hyperventilating, shaking and begging me not to make him go back outside.

I talked him down and we went back out to the car. I strapped him in again. Got back in myself. Said goodbye again to my sister. And then the same thing happened again. He ran back into the house and told me that we would have to live at this house as he couldn't get in the car to go home. I asked if he would feel better sitting in the front of the car next to me. I told him we could chat all the way home. He liked this idea and so I moved his booster seat to the front. But as soon he tried to get into the car he started panicking again. Poor Rosie was in the car waiting to leave, and was tired and grouchy. This time I held him and stopped him from running into the house. I didn't really know what to do. I wasn't sure what the problem was or how to help him. I had to almost drag him into the car kicking and screaming. I managed to distract him by telling him step by step what was going to happen - "ok Barney, I am going to strap you in, then I am going to walk round to the drivers side and get in, then we are going to wave goodbye, then we are going to drive home, and we can have a lovely chat on the way home together, then we can tell Daddy all about our day, but then it will be late so you will have to get your pyjamas on, then you will go to bed." I'm not sure if I was distracting him or whether knowing what was happening next helped him, but we got the car moving. He was concentrating on taking deep breaths in and out, and rubbing his legs to calm himself down. I was half scared he would try to jump out of the car while it was moving.

We managed to make it home by me talking to him about all the things we had done during the day. When he was settled and seemed happier I brought up the subject of what had just happened and we tried to figure out together what was going on. He didn't seem to know what had triggered this particular panic attack. He kept asking me 'Mummy, what is wrong with me? Why am I like this?" I felt so torn for him. So I started to tell him how everyone was different and that we all have different ways of thinking or coping with things. I said to him that there are some people who think very differently about the world and explained a little to him about Aspergers and Autism. He had this wide eyed expression on his face the whole time, then exclaimed "Oh Mummy, that's just like me, I must be an Aspergers person!" He had a look of total relief on his face. I almost cried.

So I asked him a few questions such as 'what happens at school that makes you panic?', 'what things happen at home that make you feel anxious?' 'what could we do to make you feel better/safer/happier?' He told me that almost every single day at school he has a panic where he has to tell the teacher that he is going to be sick. He said he feels that way if outdoor play time is cancelled due to rain, if they have to go to the library/assembly/PE, if his teacher is off sick and they have a different teacher, if he has to sit in a new seat or do something new. Basically, he feels rotten if there is any change in plan to what he is expecting. I asked him what makes him feel panicky at home. I couldn't think of any reason myself why he would panic at home. He thought for a while and then said he feels bad if its dinner time and no one has warned him that dinner is being cooked, if he doesn't know what is for dinner in advance, if anyone shouts, argues, or slams a door, if Rosie cries, if he doesn't know what time is bed time, and so on. So I asked him how we could make life easier for him. He suggested that every morning we draw a picture of what will be for dinner and put it on the fridge for him, and that we always tell him half an hour in advance of dinner time so that he is prepared. He suggested that we also show him what is in his lunch box in the morning before going to school. (I notice that on the days his school lunch is a surprise, he doesn't eat it). He asked that I make clock pictures to show the times that different things will happen.

He also said that he can't stand it that everyone lies. "People keep lying to me, I just can't stand it when people lie to me". I asked him who lies to him. "You, Daddy, everyone lies and I don't like it". When I probed into what lies we were telling him it became apparent that they weren't actual lies, but that he often doesn't understand our humour, sarcasm, jokes etc. He takes everything we say at face value (which I've read in this book is typically Asperger). If someone says something daft to him like "I have two heads" he will have to ask if we are joking, and he won't let it go until you tell him that it was a joke.

Our little chat was a bit of a lightbulb moment for him. He didn't want it to end, and seemed relieved and at peace. He asked me to write a letter to all the children in his class saying 'Barney is an Asperger person, so please don't scare him any more'.

Talking of school, I went on the school trip to Cheeky Monkeys yesterday. All in all it went pretty well. Barney was partnered with a girl that he really likes and seems to get on well with. His teacher saved a seat for me near him on the bus, just across the isle from him and his friend. So I was able to chat with him on the way there. He played at Cheeky Monkeys with out any problem at all, which was a relief. It wasn't until it was time to go home that there was any problem. The teacher had told the children where to sit on the way there, and had saved a seat for me. Barney obviously envisaged that everyone would sit in the same places on the way home, but the teacher let them all in willy nilly. I could see through the bus window the horror on his face as he tried to save my seat for me so that I could sit where I was last time, across from him. But some other children took that seat and he was very upset. I got onto the bus and found a seat just behind where I had sat before. But he wasn't happy about it. He started to cry and I didn't know what to do as it was a school trip and I couldn't very well start moving everyone around. The teacher was at the other end of the bus. It made me realise how difficult anything unexpected is for him. In the end the lady sitting next to me swapped seats with him so that he could sit next to me, and he was happy again.

Wow, I only intended to write a short blog post, but I've really waffled on. Today was such a lovely sunny day. I took some photos and video (below) of Barney and Rosie playing out in the sunshine. Lets hope we have a few more sunny days over the summer holidays.

A family of cress heads...

Barney has been taking good care of the cress heads that he's been growing. It's amazing how fast cress grows! The little egg family all have a full head of green hair already. Soon they will need a hair cut. Yummy.

Tomorrow Badger is having his 14th birthday party. He has a load of friends from school coming over. Marty is going to supervise and I am going to go somewhere with Rosie and Barney just to keep out of the way. I'm not sure where we are going yet though. I'm pretty sure both Barney and I won't cope with a house full of teenagers, so we are best off out of the way.

There's only one week of school left for the kids before the summer holidays start. I love the summer holidays. No school runs, no uniforms to wash and iron in time, no waking up at the crack of dawn to get ready for school. And lots of time with my precious babies. I can never understand it when I hear parents complaining that they can't wait for their kids to go back to school.

I've ordered some books about Aspergers/high functioning Autism to read from Amazon but they are taking ages to arrive. One called 'When My Worries Get Too Big' has arrived, but it's a book for Barney to read. We haven't tried it yet, but the idea is that it teaches children how to relax and calm down rather than going into panic. We shall see if it works or not. I like the idea behind it, but wonder whether it will make a jot of difference. When Barney gets an idea into his head it's very hard to change his direction.

Here are a couple of photos from today. Rosie at age 6 months, with that lovely chubby baby look. Aren't chubby babies just delicious? And Barney the explorer about to head off on a mission.

I've been thinking about getting back into the healthy eating and nutrition that I was interested in before our trip away. I still love sprouting, but really want to get back into it. Since I was too busy being pregnant and recovering from the c section, I didn't get to plant or grow any vegetables this year. It's a shame as I really enjoyed growing our own food. But I've been so busy with the baby and other things that my own interests have taken a bit of a back seat. I've been reading a few healthy blogs to inspire myself lately. I really want to get back into the swing of things - sprouting, wheat grass, raw foods, veganism and home bread making. I'm not a vegan, as most of you know, but I really do like the idea behind it and appreciate that we eat far too much meat and dairy in our diets. Anyway, here are a few blogs I've been reading lately that have inspired me....

Making Love In The Kitchen
Eat Air - A Vegan Food Log
Green As A Thistle
Urban Organic Gardener

A very short post.

Just as things start to look up in life, something always comes along to kick you back down! Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself today. After looking after a sick Barney and a whingy Rosie all week I have now caught the kids illness 'slap cheek' or 'fifth disease' for you Americans. And boy am I miserable. Interspersed with OK moments (like now) I am enjoying tremendous bone and joint pain. It's really very painful. With that I'm lucky enough to go from high temps of 39C plus body sweats, followed by feeling cold and having the shivers. Nothing would lower my temperature last night so Marty resorted to covering me with wet flannels, an experience I never want to repeat. Cold wet flannels on irritated high temp skin is as painful as fire! After all my complaining he decided that misting me with a spray of water might be better. The mist falling on my body felt like a million needles shooting down and stabbing me. I was not impressed! A couple of times a day I feel better and think its all over, but then it starts all over again. Gahhh. Every single joint apart from my hands and fingers feels inflamed and sore. I'm feeling pretty damn sorry for myself. Thank goodness Marty is here to look after the kids. I don't know what I'd do without him!

So I am laid up in bed, too painful to walk, with lots and lots and lots of thinking time. Bleh. I was supposed to be going to the doctors today for a follow up appointment to get my medication altered etc, but I was too ill to go! Sob, sniff, whinge.... No, I'm not a good patient.

Lego Times

Happy memories...

Barney, Tarja and I spent a good fun hour yesterday playing lego on my bed. Barney wanted some Mummy time and I suggested a few things that we could do together. But Lego won. So we made lego starwars spaceships together. Tarja made a lego jacuzzi! (see photo).

It was nice to spend an hour with Barney just chatting and creating. We had a competition to see who could make the best space ship, and Daddy was the final judge. Of course, Barney won the competition as I'm pretty useless at lego (growing up in a household of 4 girls didn't give me much experience in boys arts!)

So, I thought I'd post the photos of our creations, and a happy memory of every day life in out little household.